How to use the negative things of life to propel you forward

On my journey one of the greatest lessons I am learning to accept and appreciate is that life will give and allow things that are unfavorable, painful, hurtful and devastating. Yet, I have seen over and over that in the end it all works out. I have come to the conclusion that there are lessons we must glean on our journey. The sad reality is that many of us don't get the lessons we were to learn through the challenge and have to take the test over again. I don't know about you, but I don't want to continue taking the same test over and over again. I never admired the journey of the children of Israel who had to wander in the wilderness for 40 years until they learned their lesson. However, if I look at my life I can see patterns of stupidity repeated and hence never moving forward in victory or success. Let's embrace the challenges of life, lets learn the lesson the first time so we can reach our destination sooner!

"Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward." Henry Ford

Yesterday I shared how the best gift you can give to yourself on valentine is the gift of self-acceptance. 
Today is the best Valentine gift you can give away to your spouse, children, family or friends.
As I mentioned you can't give away what you yourself does not have or possess, so build up your account of unconditional self acceptance and love. Once you do that you will have the ability to give away the greatest gift to others...the gift of unconditional acceptance and love.
The phases of most relationships are:
Romance phase--the person can do no wrong
Reality phase--you begin to see their shortcomings
Renovation phase--you begin to try to change them like you want them to be
Retaliation phase--anger and resentment builds up and you lash out
Rejection phase--the last phase that ends relationships is a sincere hate and devaluing of the other
The closer you get to anyone the more you see their shortcomings. The key is too stop looking for their faults, and flaws and find the many good things that they do. It will awaken the gift of gratitude and reverse the curse of criticism. Dr. Guy

What is the greatest gift you can give yourself?

What I know is that you can't give away something that you do not have. If you don't have a sincere appreciation for who you are, then you have failed to accept and love yourself.

How can one love another if they fail to love themselves? The greatest gift you can give to you is unconditional acceptance. You may say but what about all my flaws? I did not say embrace the flaws, just accept the reality that you have some flaws that you want and need to change. After all it is who you are.

I like to give people an exercise to look themselves in the mirror and repeat..."Whatever my flaws and defects are, I accept myself fully and completely so that I can make a change."

If you are not able to accept yourself fully, then you are not able to face the reality of who you really are. And if you can't face who you really are, you will never have the courage to change what needs to be changed. Dr. Guy

Give yourself the gift of self-acceptance!

The first pillar of self-esteem is self-efficacy a knowing that you have within you the ability to manage and navigate your life. What makes man great is our ability to create, to learn and discover. These are gifts that your creator placed within you at birth.

The second pillar of self-esteem is self-respect. According to Nathaniel Branden self-respect is the conviction of our own value. It is not the delusion that we are "perfect" or superior to everyone else. it is not comparative or competitive at all."

Self-respect is learning how to be comfortable in your own skin. There is no need to compare yourself to others because there will never be another unique creation like you ever again. What an amazing truth, you have been placed here to carry out a mission that only you can do in your unique way. No need to compete with anyone except yourself!

"You were born to make manifest the glory of God that is
within you." Marrianne Williamson

What are the two pillars of self esteem ?

The first pillar is self efficacy. This is confidence in the functioning of my mind my ability to think, to understand , to learn, and to make decisions with confidence is root is in self trust and self-reliance.

The first pillar is evident by our respect for ourselves as we tend to act in ways that confirm and reinforce this respect, such as requiring others to deal with us appropriately.

If you are tired of having people run over you then you need to look in the Mirror and make a change

Why the thirst for external validation can never be quenched.
A poor self-esteem can suffocate a good relationship!
They can be clingy and needy, and regardless of what you give them they always ask for more.
The constant pursuit to get others to like you, by what one wears, drives or the external successes will never truly satisfy.
"If my aim is to prove I am enough, the project goes on to infinity." Nathaniel Branden
~Dr. Guy~

Happy Valentine week! If your self-esteem is low you are most comfortable with persons whose self-esteem resembles your own and if your self-esteem is high you will naturally gravitate to those whose view of themselves are similar. Nathaniel Branden discovered that your level of self-esteem correlates to success in the arena of intimate relationships and friendship.

If you don't value yourself, and if you feel as if you are not lovable or worthy of love you will attract those relationships that mirror your belief about yourself.

This valentines perhaps the greatest gift we can give to ourselves is a healthy boost of self-esteem.

"Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself--no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are---completely; the good and the bad---and make changes as YOU see fit--not because you think someone else wants you to be different."
Stacey Charter

How does your self-esteem affect every area of your life?

This one area has an enormous impact in every area of your life.

The level of our self-esteem has profound consequences for every aspect of our existence. How we operate in the work place, how we deal with people, how high we are likely to rise and how much we are likely to achieve.
~Dr. Guy~

What to do if your self-esteem has lost its steam?

Many of us have damaged ego's and our esteem may be low. If we find ourselves overly defensive, quick to find faults in others, critical of self and others. Often I see kind hearts trapped behind a mean exterior.

Here is a way to begin to boost your self-esteem:
Every morning look in the mirror and repeat these words:
"Whatever my flaws and imperfections I accept myself fully and completely."
Notice what comes to mind and begin to work through the self talk that has been your enemy.

If as a child you did not feel heard or validated. If you perceived that your view had no real significance than you most likely felt that you were invisible. That sense of insignificance has followed you into adulthood. To feel visible does not mean we must agree it simply says that we are able to display sincere respect to hear the other person or to be heard by another.

"When we convey love, appreciation, empathy, acceptance, and respect we make others visible." Nathaniel Branden--The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

One of the greatest gifts we can give a child and a human being is a sense of visibility. We don't have to agree with all but we should be willing to hear all one has to say.

Self Esteem is like a tootsie roll..the best is inside! Dr. Guy

When you uncover the goodness on the inside of yourself, life becomes more delicious.

"What lies behind and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can't reach the moon if your launching pad (self-esteem) is weak!

The best way to advance yourself is to learn how appreciate your intrinsic value.

Take 5 min. To reflect on your amazing self. List all your strengths and assets. 

Explore and discover just how special you are!

No self value means no true value in life. Dr.Guy

No self value means no true value in life. Dr.Guy

 

Why have I chosen the topic of self-esteem for February. Well, February is the love month and the most important person to learn to love is yourself. My experience as a professional counselor has validated that no self value means no true value in life.

 

When your self esteem of yourself rises everything about you will follow suit. You stop trying to get the validation from others, you become less needy and find an inner stability. The increasing of ones view of self makes you feel more deserving of good things in life and so you'll self-sabotage less and go after what you deep down want with more motivation and gusto.

 

"Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself--no one else will be able to make that happen Accept who you are--completely; the good and the bad---and make changes as YOU see fit-- not because you think someone else wants you to be different."

Stacey Charter